Apples To Apples - Party Set - Red Apples (2004 Printing)

A Bad Haircut - The perfect start to a bad hair day.
A Bull Fight - Also known as "la fiesta brava" (the brave festival). A whole lot of bull..
A Car Crash - "Hey, it was an accident!"
A Cheap Motel - No charge for the cockroaches.
A Crawl Space - Where you'll find something the cat dragged in.
A Dozen Red Roses - When eleven just won't do.
A Flat Tire - "Whaddya mean, there's no spare?"
A Full Moon - "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!" -Dean Martin
A Haunted House - Maybe if people would STOP building their dream homes on ancient burial grounds ...
A High School Bathroom - "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" -Alexander Pope
A Honeymoon - America's top honeymoon spots are Hawaii, Niagara Falls, Las Vegas and Florida. You can get there by air, land, sea ... or shotgun.
A Locker Room - Steamy atmosphere ... bawdy humor ... sweaty bodies ... HEY! Sounds like Cable TV!
A Morgue - "Given strange eons, even death may die..." -H.P. Lovecraft
A Nine Iron - A golf club best used on short shots or large opponents.
A School Bus - The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. -Franklin D. Roosevelt
A School Cafeteria - Food fight!.
A Sunrise - "But he who kisses the joy as it flies/ Lives in eternity's sunrise." -William Blake
A Sunset - The sun never set on the British Empire ... because God didn't trust the English in the dark.
A Tree House - Your first high-rise apartment.
A Used Car Lot - One of the most honest places around. Honest ...
Abraham Lincoln - 1809-65, 16th U.S. president, led the Union to victory in the American Civil War and abolished slavery. Was assassinated for his efforts.
Adam Sandler - 1966- , American comedian, film star, and Saturday Night Live alumnus. Genius or goofball - you make the call.
Adolph Hitler - 1889-1945, turned Germany into a militarized dictatorship, caused the slaughter of millions and launched World War II.
AIDS - Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.
Airline Food - Since when is a bag of peanuts considered a meal?
Al Pacino - 1940- , Oscar winning American actor and star of "The Godfather," "Dog Day Afternoon" and "Scent Of A Woman." One very intense guy.
Albert Einstein - 1879-1955, German-born American physicist and Nobel laureate who created theories of relativity. Nice hair.
Alfred Hitchcock - 1899-1980, British-born American director and producer of brilliant psychological thrillers. Right, mother? MOTHER!
Alien Abductions - There was a blinding light -and she was gone!
Americans - How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? THAT'S NOT FUNNY! WE'RE SUING!
Amputations - "A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!" - Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Angry Hornets - Who put the bees in their bonnets?.
Andy Warhol - 1928-87, American painter and filmmaker, a leader of the pop art movement. Famous for slightly more than 15 minutes.
Anne Frank - 1929-45, German Jewish girl who wrote in her diary about her family hiding from the Nazis. She died in a concentration camp.
Antarctica - Home to the lowest temperature ever recorded on earth, -126.9 F.
Anthony Hopkins - 1937- , British actor starred in The Elephant Man, Howard's End, and, of course, The Silence Of The Lambs. Knighted in 1992.
Apple Pie - It's as American as ... as ... something ...
Apples - More than 40 million metric tons are produced worldwide every year. How 'bout them apples?
Armed Robbery - You got your Robbery, your Armed Robbery, your Strong Armed Robbery, and, of course, the five finger discount.
Assembly Lines - Faster. FASTER!
At My Parent's House - Like never-never land, you're never seen as an adult here.
Atlantis - Mythological city where the folks had that sinking feeling.
Atomic Bombs - The Italian physicist Enrico Fermi succeeded in producing the first nuclear chain reaction in 1942, at the University of Chicago.
Attack On Pearl Harbor - "Yesterday, December 7th, 1941, a date which will live in infamy ..." -Franklin D. Roosevelt
Austin Powers - Fictional British man of mystery. Yeah, bay-beee, yeah!
Australian Outback - Beware of dangerous temperatures, strange animals, and didgeridoos.
Babe Ruth - 1895-1948, American baseball legend, and one heck of a candy bar!
Babies - Little bundles of joy ... and who needs sleep, anyway?
Baby Showers - Baby showers may bring flowers ...
Backstreet Boys - The latest American pop boy band. Which one do you think is the cutest?
Bad Dogs - Bad dog, bad dog. What'cha gonna do?
Bagpipes - A shrill-toned musical instrument consisting of a leather bag and pipes. Also available in plaid.
Baked Beans - Add a little bacon, brown sugar and Beano!
Baked Potatoes - Hot potato, couch potato, potato head, twice baked, half-baked, ... whatever.
Baking Cookies - An experience only surpassed by eating them.
Bald Eagles - Known for their majestic appearance and powerful flight. In 1782, the bald eagle was chosen as the emblem of the United States.
Ballerinas - Beautiful, graceful dancers who are always on their toes.
Bangkok - Capital of Thailand. Location: near the Gulf of Siam. Population: five million. Reputation: seedy.
Bankruptcy - It'll be the debt of you.
Barbara Walters - 1931- , American television journalist and author. Voted one of the most important women of the century by "Ladies Home Journal."
Barbed Wire - Wire with sharp points, used for fences. Created havoc on the western frontier.
Barfing - We didn't want to bring that up ...
Barney - Purple dinosaur. "I love you, you love me, blah, blah, blah ... "
Bart Simpson - Fictional animated character. Don't have a cow, man!"
Bates Motel - The haunt of Alfred Hitchcock's psycho, Norman Bates ... and mother, of course ...
Batman - How does Batman's mother call him home? "Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner - BATMAN!"
Bats - The little brown bat consumes as many as 600 mosquitoes in an hour. The vampire bat dines elsewhere ...
Beach Parties - Up for some "Beach Blanket Bingo," Annette?
Beanie Babies - Tiny plush collectibles to love and cherish. Don't take that tag off!
Beauty And The Beast - A tale as old as time ... so Disney didn't have to pay royalties.
Beer - "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin
Beer Bellies - Just think of them as microbreweries.
Beethoven - 1770-1827, German composer, considered one of the greatest of the western world.
Beets - Beats Brussels sprout.
Being In Love - "Love's like the measles, all the worse when it comes late." -Douglas Jerrold
Bell-Bottoms - Bell-bottoms and pea coats -who would have thought the Navy could be such a trendsetter?
Ben Stiller - 1965-, American actor, director, and funny guy of Reality Bites, There's Something About Mary, and Meet The Parents
Berlin - 1945 - Adolph Hitler's last stand. Bunker ... I mean -hunker down, soldier.
Big Bang Theory - A cosmological theory for the origin of the universe. An explosive idea!
Big Macs - T w o a l l b e e f p a t t i e s s p e c i a l s a u c e l e t t u c e c h e e s e p i c k l e s o n i o n s o n a s e s a m e s e e d b u n .
Bigfoot - Legendary North American monster, a.k.a. Sasquatch or the Abominable Snowman.
Bill Clinton - 1946- , popular, yet embattled, 42nd president of the United States.
Bill Gates - 1955-, chairman and chief software architect of Microsoft Corporation. A very rich guy.
Bill Murray - 1950-, American actor and comedian. Star of Ghostbusters, Stripes, Groundhog Day, and Lost In Translation.
Billboards - Only 1,254 miles to Wall Drug ...
Bingo - "There was a farmer, had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o ..."
Bird Watching - A hobby that relies on a wing and a prayer.
Black Holes - The gravitational field of a black hole is so strong that nothing, including light, can escape from its vicinity.
Black Velvet - Smooth, silky and sophisticated ... until you paint an Elvis on it.
Blizzard - Extreme cold, strong winds, and a head snowfall. Also known as Canada.
Blood - A healthy human body contains between five and six quarts of blood. Bloody right they do!
Board Games - Games have been played for thousands of years. Some games of Monopoly just SEEM that long.
Body Odor - Over $1.6 billion is spent each year on antiperspirants in the United States. That stinks!
Body Piercing - YOU STUCK WHAT? WHERE?
Body Surfing - When you're too cheap to buy a surfboard.
Bonbons - Sweets for the sweet ...
Bongos - Small drums played with the fingers. Used in Latin American and African music. The choice of American beat poets.
Bottled Water - How much are you willing to pay for something you can get for free?
Boxing - An ancient and honorable sport - not just for boys anymore ...
Boy Scouts - International organization for boys and young men founded in England in 1908, to foster character, citizenship and outdoor life.
Boyfriends - "My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble." - The Angels
Brad Pitt - 1963- , American actor and heart-throb.
Brain Surgeons - Hey, it ain't brain surgery ... oh ... wait a second ...
Brains - Vital to human existence and mad scientists.
Britney Spears - 1981-, American singer. From mouseketeer to international pop star.
Broadway - The New York theater district. "They say the neon lights shine bright on Broadway." -Barry Mann
Bruce Willis - 1955- , Diehard American action movie star who has moonlighted on TV. He also starred in Pulp Fiction, Armageddon and The Sixth Sense.
Bubble Gum - Crack it, snap it, pop it, and blow it!
Bubbles - "Tiny bubbles, in the wine/ Tiny bubble make me feel fine ..." -Don Ho
Bullwinkle - As in the cartoon "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" - the moose half of moose and squirrel.
Bumper Stickers - Your personal billboard!
Bungee Jumping - Another sport hanging on by a thread.
Buying A House - If only we had the money, we could get a mortgage.
Cabbage - From the French word caboche, meaning "big head."
Cactus - Require little care and exhibit bizarre forms. As such, they are often mistaken for Survivalists.
California - Sacramento is its capital, Los Angeles its largest city. Here we come.
Camping Trip - When you just have to get s'more nature.
Canada - Federated country of North America. The Great White North - eh?
Canadians - How many Canadians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fifteen. Fourteen to chip it out of the ice, and one to screw it in.
Captain Kirk - Fictional starship captain. "Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life on this planet!" - bumper sticker, 1980s
Car Bombs - Not including the Ford Pinto, of course.
Car Horns - Blow it, buddy!
Carl Sagan - 1934-96, American astronomer and pioneer exobiologist. Touched many lives. Billions and billions of them.
Carnival Workers - Step right up ...
Cary Grant - 1904-86, British-born American actor known for his debonair manner. He can be found North by Northwest.
Casablanca - The largest city in Morocco, and one heck of a good movie. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world..."
Casinos - Slots and slots of fun.
Castles - Kings, queens, knights in shining armor, and little square hamburgers.
Caves - Stalactites, stalagmites. Which go up and which go down?
Celine Dion - 1968-, Canadian singer whose heart will go on, and on ...
Cell Phones - Get off the phone or get off the road!
Cesar Chavez - 1927-93, American labor leader who led the 1965 nationwide boycott of California grapes ... a bunch of sour grapes!
Chain Letters - Send this game to ten of your friends and good luck will follow. Honest!
Chains - Gold or iron: name your shackles.
Challenger Explosion - "Without a wish, without a will/ I stood upon that silent hill/ and stared into the sky ..." - Ralph Hodgeson
Chameleons - The chameleon is a lizard that changes color when frightened -or is that a politician?
Charging Rhinos - How do you stop a rhino from charging? Take away its credit cards.
Cheesecake - A really tasty dish.
Cher - 1946- , American singer and actor, she makes aging look good.
Chicago - Third largest city in the United States. Our kind of town.
Chicken Pox - Infectious disease usually contracted in childhood. Just don't scratch 'em!
Chickens - From incubator to rotisserie in 56 days! Run, chicken, run!
Chimpanzees - Sure, they're related to us; but they don't write, and they NEVER call!
China - The most populous country in the world. More than one-fifth of the world's total population lives within its borders.
Chinatown - International travel, just around the corner.
Choir Boys - They sound angelic, but ...
Chorus Girls - Long legs and high kicks!
Cigarette Burns - Another reason to give up smoking.
Cigarettes - Mind if I smoke?
Cinco de Mayo - Marks the victory of the Mexican Army over the French at the Battle of Puebla, in 1862.
Cindy Crawford - 1966- , American Supermodel. What dreams are made of.
Clark Gable - 1901-60, American film actor, noted as a romantic lead. Frankly, my dear, he didn't give a damn.
Claude Monet - 1840-1926, French painter, regarded as one of the leaders on the impressionist movement.
Cleaning The Bathroom - It's YOUR turn!
Cleopatra - c. 69-30 BC, Queen of Egypt, noted for love affairs with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, which came back to bite her in the asp.
Clint Eastwood - 1930-, American film actor and director, past mayor of Carmel, California. Has earned fistfuls of dollars.
Clowns - They would be really funny if they weren't so darn scary.
Cocaine - Alkaloid obtained from leaves of the coca plant and used as a local anesthetic and abused as a drug.
Cockroaches - Annoying insects that can survive a nuclear war. Fortunately, they can't survive the heel of your shoe.
Coconuts - "Put the lime in the coconut, and drank them both up." -Harry Nillson
Cold Pizza - The breakfast of champions.
Communists - "From each, according to their ability, to each according to their need." I need a new Ferrari.
Commuting - The daily grind. And we're not talking coffee.
Computer Hackers - We didn't mean to shut down the entire government ...
Computers - British mathematician Charles Babbage worked out the principles of the modern digital computer in the late 1800s.
Confucius - c. 551-479 BC, K'ung Fu-Tzu, Chinese philosopher and one of the most influential figures in Chinese history.
Conspiracy Theories - Oh, that was just a coincidence!
Construction Workers - Hard hats -hard bodies.
Corn On The Cob - A grain native to the Americas, corn was a staple food for many centuries before corn holders were invented.
Corvettes - In 1953, Chevrolet introduced the Corverre, the first mass-produced sports car with a fiberglass body. The perfect cure for a midlife crisis.
Count Dracula - "I vant to suck your blood!"
Country Music - Encompassing styles such as western swing, honky-tonk, bluegrass and rockabilly. Should mention a pickup truck and a dog named "Bo."
Cow-Pies - When dried, these "cow chips" are hurled discus-like over great distances. It's true.
Crazy Horse - 1849?-77, chief of the Oglala Sioux. A leader in the Native American resistance to the westward expansion on the United States.
Creamed Corn - Eat it, it's good for you.
Crystal Balls - I see a Green Apple card in your future.
Cuba - Island republic in the Caribbean, just south of Florida. Beans and rice never tasted so good.
Cults - They seemed nice ...
Custer's Last Stand - 1866, Little Big Horn. Very big mistake.
Dandruff - Dry skin on your scalp? Sounds a bit flaky.
Danielle Steel - 1947- , Prolific romance novelist. "Suddenly, Stephanie spotted Lance on the beach ..."
Danny DeVito - 1944- , American television, motion-picture actor, and director. Star of Taxi, Romancing The Stone, Twins, and Get Shorty.
Dark Alleys - Don't go there!
Darth Vader - "Luke ... (wheeze) .. I am ... (wheeze) ... your father ... and you don't write, you don't call ... NOTHING."
Dating - First stage of the human mating ritual.
David Letterman - 1947- , American television entertainer and talk-show host. And ... the Number One reason to watch him (drum roll, please): TOP TEN LISTS!
Daytime TV - Soap operas, game shows, talk shows and reruns ... is this a great country or what?
Death Valley - Arid, desolate and hellish region of California. Named by a survivor of an attempted 1849 crossing.
Deer Hunting - Nooo! Nooooo! Not BAMBI'S MOTHER!
Demi Moore - 1962-, American actor in St. Elmo's Fire, Ghost and GI Jane.
Democrats - Their symbol is the donkey, or ass. Insert your own joke here.
Denzel Washington - 1954- , American actor known for his powerful roles in such movies as Cry Freedom, Malcolm X, and Mississippi Masala.
Detroit - The Motor City is the world's foremost automobile manufacturing center, and the tenth largest city in the U.S.
Diamonds - The hard fact: they are just highly refractive crystalline allotropes.
Discos - Where you go to catch "Saturday Night Fever."
Discovering America - 1492, Christopher Columbus discovered that America was discovered centuries before he arrived.
Disneyland - You've just won the "Apples to Apples(R) Grand Masters Tournament." Where're you gonna go?
Divorce - It's a trial separation that goes to trial.
Doctors - Over twenty years of education and they're still "practicing" medicine?
Doing The Dishes - You wash, I'll watch.
Dolly Parton - 1967- , American singer, songwriter, and actor. Known as much for her personal style as for her successful career.
Dr. Kevorkin - 1928- , Controversial advocate of doctor-assisted suicide.
Dr. Seuss - 1904-1991, Theodor Suess Geisel , the cat who came up with "The Cat in the Hat."
Driving Off A Cliff - It was either that or hire someone to do my takes.
Duct Tape - All-purpose, ... all the time ...
E-Mail - You've got JUNK mail!
Ear Wax - A waxy, yellowish substance that protects the ear from dust, bacteria, and from hearing things you don't want to hear.
Earthquakes - The Richter scale is named after the American seismologist Charles Richter. Did the earth move for you?
Earwigs - Nocturnal insects with abdominal pincers. Nothing to do with ears or wigs.
East Coast - From New England to Florida. They're not like folks 'round here ...
Eddie Murphy - 1961-, American comedian, actor, and producer. Best known for his work in 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop and on Saturday Night Live.
Eleanor Roosevelt - 1884-1962, first lady, social activist, author, lecturer, and U.S. representative to the United Nations.
Electric Eels - Slippery and slimy snakelike fishes that emit electrical charges. The shocking truth!
Electricity - The repulsive or attractive force between two stationary bodies. No problem unless one of those bodies is yours.
Elephants - The largest living land mammal, with two species: Indian and African. Not counting Dumbo, there are no American elephants.
Elizabeth Taylor - 1932- , American actor, noted for her lush beauty, emotional performances and multiple husbands.
Elvis Presley - 1935-77, American singer and actor and the king of rock-and-roll. His death left the music world all shook up.
Emily Dickinson - 1830-86, American poet, whose lyrics are psychologically astute treatments of love, death, and immortality. So there.
Ernest Hemingway - 1899-1961, American novelist and short-story writer, whose macho style is crisp, laconic and understated.
Europe - The Old Country ... except to people who live there.
Exorcism - To ceremoniously expel an evil spirit.
Eyes - Light-sensitive organ of vision in animals. See?
Falling Down - "What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." -Mary Pickford
Family Reunions - Just to remind you why you moved away in the first place ...
Family Vacations - Dad? Dad? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we? Huh? Dad?
Family Values - Often said but seldom understood.
Fast Food - You want fries with that?
Feathers - Which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of rocks?
Feminists - Political and social activists who support selected women's causes.
Festering Wounds - Quit picking at that!
Fidel Castro - 1927-, Cuban revolutionary and Communist dictator since 1976. He earned a PhD in law in 1950.
Firefighters - Emperor Augustus instituted a corps of fire-fighting "watchmen" in 24 B.C. Nero, on the other hand, fiddled while Rome burned.
Firestorms - Some severe wildfires require more than 10,000 firefighters. And, wouldn't ya know it, some idiot parked in front of the hydrant!
Fireworks - Includes firecrackers, Roman candles, and bottle rockets. It's all fun until someone loses an eye ... and a nose ... and an arm ...
First Man On The Moon - July 20, 1969. "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." -Neil A. Armstrong
Flipper - American television dolphin of the 1960's ... like Lassie, only wetter.
Fly Fishing - ... if you can"t catch flies any OTHER way ...
Flying Monkeys - The reason why "The Wizard Of Oz" still gives us nightmares.
Forest Fires - "Only YOU can prevent forest fires." The heat is on!
Fort Knox - American military post in Kentucky, containing the greater part of the gold reserve of the U.S. government.
Fourth Of July - "Independence Day" in the United States. "Thank Goodness We Got Rid of Them Day" in Britain.
Frank Lloyd Wright - 1867-1959, pioneering American architect. Considered one of the greatest designers of the 20th century.
Frank Sinatra - 1915-98, the greatest American pop singer of his generation, award winning film and television actor. Do-be do-be do, baby.
Freckles - No matter what they tell you, freckles won't grow together to form a great-looking tan.
Freedom - Express yourself!
French Wines - The perfect complement to an overpriced meal.
Fresh Water Pearls - String them along ...
Friction - Resistance to the motion of a body in contact with another body ... any body will do.
Fund Raising - Hello ... my name is Jonathan, would you like to buy some fruit, magazines, candy bars, wreaths, pizzas ... ?
Funerals - "He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead." - Anonymous
Fur - The characteristic covering of mammals and people with money.
Fuzz - Lint ... Policemen ... Whatever ...
Gall Bladder - Where excess bile is stored. Stored for what, we don't know.
Gang Members - "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way..." -West Side Story
Garrison Keillor - 1942- , American author and radio star. He shares the Midwest perspective with 2.6 million listeners each week on A Prairie Home Companion.
Garth Brooks - 1962- , American country music singer and songwriter. He's got friends in low places.
Geishas - Japanese women training in traditional singing, dancing, and entertaining. Of course, you would never recognize them without all that make-up.
Gen. George S. Patton - 1885-1945, the commander of the American Third Army during World War II. -a.k.a. Olf Blood and Guts
Genetic Engineering - What DO you get when you cross a monkey with a potato?
George W. Bush - 1946- , 43rd president of the United States. The second time ever that the son of a former president was elected to the office.
George Washington - 1732-99, First President of the United States. He chopped down a cherry tree to make false teeth, or something like that ...
Georgia O'Keeffe - 1887-1986, American abstract painter known for her still life compositions. Her skull paintings prove that beauty is more than skin deep.
Getting A Hug - Hmmmm ... nice.
Ghost Towns - Population unknown.
Ghosts - Nonmaterial embodiments or the essence of organisms (mostly human beings). Quite spirited
Giant Squid - Going fishing for giant squid? Nautilus I have to ...
Gila Monsters - The largest, and only poisonous lizard found in the United States.
Gingko Trees - An Asiatic tree, Gingko biloba, known for its fan shaped leaves. We can't remember what it's good for.
Ginseng - Common name for plants of the ginseng family, source of a stimulant and a supposed aphrodisiac.
Girl Scouts - I'll take six boxes of Thin Mints and three of the ... you know, the kind with the peanut butter.
Girlfriends - Girlfriend - let's talk!
Giving A Hug - "One may give without loving; but none can love without giving." -Anonymous
Glaciers - It'll be a cold day when we see THEM again ...
Glazed Donuts - If you're going to be late, take a box of donuts.
Global Warming - Is it hot in here, or is it just me?
Going To Church - Weddings, funerals, bazaars, and bingo!
Going To Grandma's - "Grandmother, what big teeth you have!" -Little Red Riding Hood
Going To School - Secondary education? It's elementary.
Going To The Dentist - This won't hurt a bit ...
Going To The Gym - No pain, no gain.
Gold Chains - The more, the better.
Goldfish - The pet, the carnival prize, or the snack cracker.
Golf-Ball-Sized Hail - ... which is almost as impressive as hail-sized golf balls ...
Grace Kelly - 1929-82, Princess of Monaco and American film star of Dial M for Murder, Rear Window, and To Catch a Thief. Always chic, always elegant.
Graffiti - Art in a can. We"re drawn to it.
Grass Skirts - Hula loves you, baby?
Grave Robbers - Famous for their bodies of work.
Gravity - In 1684, the law of gravitation was formulated by English physicist Sir Isaac Newton, who recognized the gravity of the situation.
Greenpeace - International organization dedicated to preserving the Earth's natural resources, and its diverse plant and animal life.
Gym Teachers - "I am a Physical Education Teacher. Call me a gym teacher again and you can drop and give me ten!"
Hair Transplants - Oh, it looks so natural ...
Hairballs - Cough it up, kitty ...
Halloween - October 31, the eve of All Saints' Day, celebrated with costumes, treats, and scary stuff. Not just for kids any more!
Hand Grenades - Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades!
Handcuffs - "You have the right to remain silent..."
Handguns - Source of a never-ending controversy as to how to get them out of the hands of the bad guys and into the hands of the good guys.
Hangnails - We've fingered the cause of the pain.
Having A Baby - "Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top ..." Who would put a kid on a tree top?
Having An Operation - What a cutup! A real stitch.
Hawaii - The eight islands that make up America's 50th state entered the Union on August 21, 1959.
Helen Keller - 1880-1968, American author and lecturer who overcame deafness and blindness with the help of her companion, Anne Sullivan.
Hiccups - How do you, hic, get em? How do you, hic, get rid of "em?
High School Football - The whole ten yards!
High School Reunions - See also: "root canal, as fun as ..."
Hillary Rodham Clinton - 1947- , New York Senator, lawyer, and former American First Lady.
Hiroshima - 1945 - "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds" - J. Robert Oppenheimer, on the detonation of the first atmoic bomb.
HMOs - Heath Maintenance Organizations. Here's to your health ...
Hockey - Did you hear about the big fight last night? All of a sudden, a hockey game broke out!
Hollywood - Motion picture and television industry center of the world. Hooray for Hollywood!
Homeless Shelters - In the United States, nearly three-quarters of the help for the homeless comes from the private sector, mostly from church soup kitchens.
Homer Simpson - Fictional cartoon character created by Matt Groening. D'oh!
Homework - Something to do during comercials.
Hooligans - "Hey! Kids! Get outta my yard!"
Horseback Riding - WHOAAA!!!
Hot Lava - There's no better way to serve it.
House Guests - How many visitors does it take to drive you crazy? Go on -take a guest!
Hummingbirds - Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words ... ... da-dum, dum!
Humphrey Bogart - 1899-1957, American film actor, starred in such classics as The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca. "Here's looking at you kid."
Icebergs - May reach 300 to 500 feet above the oceans's surface. Ask the captain of the Titanic about the 90 percent that's UNDER water.
In A Coma - A deep, prolonged state of unconsciousness ... sometimes you just feel that way.
Incense - Incense is better than no sense at all.
India - The world's seventh largest country by area, but the second most populous, with one billion people.
Indiana Jones - Fictional archeologist and action hero. Proof that a good hat and a whip can take you a long way.
Industrial Revolution - The first Industrial Revolution occurred in Great Britain at the end of the 1700s. The second came with the invention of the "Clapper."
Infomercials - One of these days, one of them may even say something informative.
Inside The Sun - Consisting mostly of hydrogen, the temperature reaches almost 16,000,000 K (about 29,000,000 F).
Intellectuals - They think they're so smart.
Ireland - Island of the British Isles, west of Great Britain. Known for its distinctive traditional dance and music.
Israel - Located on the Mediterranean, the state of Israel was reated by a 1948 U.N. mandate.
Italy - European Republic, shaped like a boot - a very fashionable boot.
Jack Nicholson - 1937- , American motion-picture actor of "Chinatown," "Terms Of Endearment" and "The Shining." He's as good as it gets!
Jack The Ripper - Accused of murdering six women in 1888, and suspected in other murders. Still at large.
Jackie Chan - 1954-, actor, director, martial artist. Screen name, Sing Lung, means "Becoming the Dragon." That's "MISTER Becoming the Dragon" to you!
Jacques Cousteau - 1910-97, French naval officer, marine explorer, and author. Best known as a documentary filmmaker.
Jamaica - Third largest island of the Greater Antilles, south of Cuba. Tropical climate, reggae music, and jerk cooking.
James Bond - Fictional British secret agent created by English author Ian Fleming. Shaken, but never stirred.
James Dean - 1931-55, American actor of film, stage, and television. His role in Rebel Without a Cause helped define "cool."
Japan - An Asian constitutional monarchy. The capital city is Tokyo. Let's see ... sushi, Godzilla, earthquakes ...
Japanese - How many Japanese does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who needs light bulbs when you've got OUR new technology!
Jelly Beans - Well, as long as we HAVE to eat our vegetables ...
Jennifer Lopez - 1970-, American singer and actor of Selena, Money Train, and Maid In Manhattan.
Jerry Springer - 1944- , controversial talk-show host. Don't those people know that millions of us are watching?
Jesse Jackson - 1941-, American civil rights leader. Named to "The Gallup List of Ten Most Respected by Americans" for ten years.
Jesse Ventura - 1951-, wrestler, Navy Seal, and former governor of Minnesota. Author of I Ain't Got Time To Bleed.
Jim Carrey - 1962- , Canadian comedian and actor. Famous for outrageous faces, and dumb and dumber characters.
Jimmy Stewart - 1908-97, America's favorite self-image. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Rear Window, Vertigo, and It's a Wonderful Life, ... and it probably was.
Joan Of Arc - 1412-31, patron saint of France who decisively turned the tide of the Hundred Years' War, which really burned her up.
Jodie Foster - 1962- , American actor began her career on Mayberry, R.F.D. and went on to win Academy Awards for The Accused and Silence Of The Lambs.
John F. Kennedy - 1917-63, 35th president of the US. "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."
John Glenn - 1921- , The first U.S. astronaut to orbit the earth in 1962, and a U.S. Senator. Never too old to shoot for the moon!
John Philip Sousa - 1854-1932, American bandmaster and composer of Stars and Stripes Forever. Known as "The March King."
John Travolta - 1954 - , American actor of "Welcome Back, Kotter," "Grease," "Saturday Night Fever" and "Pulp Fiction." That man can dance!
Judge Judy - Ms. Sheindlin presides over real-life cases on this TV courtroom show. "I'm the boss, applesauce!"
Julia Roberts - 1967-, American actor and Pretty Woman. Also starred in Steel Magnolias, My Best Friend's Wedding, and Erin Brockovich.
Junk Mail - Contests, credit card applications, solicitations and political ads.
Jupiter - Story Problem: If one year on Jupiter equals 11.86 Earth years, and one day equals 9.92 Earth hours, how many Earth hours are there in a Jupiter year?
Katherine Hepburn - 1909-2003, American actor and winner of four Academy Awards. She starred in such classics as The African Queen.
Keanu Reeves - 1964- , American actor of Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure, The Matrix and Speed. Keanu means "cool breeze over the mountains."
Killer Whales - Black and white predatory whales. Boy, can they sing!
Kilts - If Mel Gibson can wear one, so can you.
King Arthur - Legendary British king best known for Camelot and round tables.
King Henry VIII - 1491-1547, King of England, and founder of the Church of England. Six wives, no waiting.
Knock-Knock Jokes - Who's there?
Labor Unions - Look for the Union label. And, while you're at it, look for Jimmy Hoffa ...
Large Mouth Bass - Oh, please, let it not sing ...
Las Vegas - The first casino opened in Las Vegas in 1946. Las Vegas ... or it that Lost Wages?"
Lawyers - We'd throw some joke in here, but we're afraid of getting sued.
Leaf Blowers - Toro, Toro, Toro!
Leather - Animal hide. Leather you like it or not.
Leeches - Any mention of lawyers, agents, or reporters would be FAR too easy ...
Lemons - When life gives you lemons, make lemonade ... or, in the case of a car, take it back. There's a law, you know!
Lenin's Tomb - We'd love to visit Lenin's Tomb, but it's probably just another communist plot.
Leonardo Da Vinci - 1452-1519, Florentine artist, sculptor, architect, engineer, scientist, and all-around smartypants.
Lightning - Electrical discharge between rain clouds, or between a rain cloud and the earth, or between a rain cloud and an idiot with a kite.
Loan Sharks - As dangerous as "Jaws", but without the charisma.
Lobster - Crustaceans closely related to freshwater crayfishes. Market price.
Local Police - They know who you are and they know where you live.
Log Cabins - Among the many Americans born in log cabins were Preisdents Harrison, Lincoln, and Grant. Just pass the maple syrup.
Lollipops - Sucker!
London - Founded even before the Romans reached England's shores, now the capital of Great Britain.
Looking For A Job - Will work for fool ...
Los Angeles - LA LA Land.
Losing Your Job - They just didn't understand me!
Lucille Ball - 1911-89, American actor and comedian. You love Lucy? I love Lucy.
Machine Guns - Automatic, rapid-fire, repeating weapons. The Gatling gun was used as early as the American Civil War.
Mad Cow Disease - Degenerative brain disorder in cattle. The reason they don't know enough to come in out of the rain?
Madame Curie - 1867-1934, French chemist and physicist who won a Nobel Prize for her work on radiation. Fun fact: A "curie" is a unit of radioactivity.
Madonna - 1958-, American singer, songwriter, actor, writer, and 1980s pop icon. Blond Ambition.
Magic Tricks - "Nothin' up my sleeve ..." - Bullwinkle
Mahatma Gandhi - 1869-1948, Indian leader and philosopher who preached nonviolence. Was assassinated for his efforts.
Manhattan - I'll take Manhattan!.
Mardi Gras - Fat Tuesday marks the final day before the Christian fast of Lent, a 40-day period of self-denial and abstinence. SO LET'S PARTY!
Marilyn Monroe - 1926-62, American movie star, pinup and sex symbol. Just ask the Kennedys.
Mark Twain - 1835-1910, American writer and humorist, best known for the adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn.
Marriage - If love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage ... who's the horse?
Mars - The fourth planet from the sun. Where men come from.
Martha Stewart - 1941-, television personality, magazine editor, and author. Domestic arts are her stock-in-trade.
Martin Luther King, Jr. - 1929-68, American civil rights leader and advocate of nonviolent resistance. Was assassinated for his efforts.
Meat Cleavers - No relation to Ward, June, or the Beaver ...
Meatloaf - Large and intimidating -the dish not the singer!
Meg Ryan - 1961- , American actor and girl-next-door star of When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless In Seattle, and You've Got Mail.
Mel Gibson - 1956-, Australian actor. Known for The Road Warrior, Braveheart and :eatha; Weapon I, II, III, IV ...
Men - REAL Men.
Men In Black - We're not here. You don't see us. The government did NOT send us.
Meryl Streep - 1959-, accomplished American actor, two-time Oscar winner, with over a dozen Academy Award nominations.
Mexico - Federal republic in North America. The capital and largest city is Mexico City.
Mice - "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men ..." -Robert Burns
Michael Jackson - 1958-, American popular singer, dancer, and songwriter. Welcome to Neverland.
Michael Jordon - 1963- , American professional basketball legend, led Chicago to six world championships. No bull.
Michelangelo - 1475-1564, inspired Italian sculptor, architect, painter, and poet. A REAL Renaissance man.
Michelle Pfeiffer - 1957-, American actor whose career began with Grease 2. She'd like us to forget that but remember her Oscar nominations.
Microsoft - A leading American software company. We'd say more but we don't want to monopolize your time ...
Midlife Crisis - "Here comes your 19th nervous breakdown ..." -The Rolling Stone
Mike Tyson - 1966- , American heavyweight boxer. Lend him your ear ...
Miles Davis - 1926-91, innovative, influential, and respected American jazz trumpter player and band layer.
Milk - Three glasses a day will give you ... the gratitude of the dairy industry.
Milk Duds - Chocolate and caramel candy balls. Tooth extractions at no extra charge!
Mirrors - And now, a moment for reflection.
Mold - Fuzzy growth produced on organic matter by several types of fungi. Particularly attracted to students' refrigerators
Money - "The best things in life are free/ But you can give them to the birds and bees/ Just give me money ..." -Bradford and Gordy
Morticians - Why do you hang around with THOSE stiffs ...?
Mosquitoes - They suck.
Motorcycles - The air in your hair and bugs in your teeth.
Mount Rushmore - Memorial carved into the side of the Black Hills in South Dakota. Heads above all other monuments.
MTV - "Video killed the radio star." -The Buggles
Mud - Water. Dirt. You do the math.
Mudslides - Chocolate drink or natural disaster ... both occur frequently in California.
Muhammad Ali - 1942- , American heavyweight boxing champion. "Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee."
Musicals - South Pacific, The King and I, The Sound of Music, A Chorus Line, Cats, Rent ...
My 16th Birthday - Dad, can I have the keys to the car, please?
My Bank Account - Speaking of theoretical mathematics and unreal numbers ...
My Bathroom - "The bathroom was drenched with their splashings" -Aldous Huxley
My Bedroom - "No one knows what goes on behind closed doors." -Charlie Rich
My Body - Mine is a temple. Specifically, the Temple of Doom ...
My Boss - ... is an idiot. You know it; we know it.
My Dreams - "What dreams may come ..." -Shakespeare's Hamlet
My Family - They'll drive you nuts. As long as you do the same to them, it's all even.
My First Kiss - Sparks were flying. Of course, that could have been the braces ...
My Friends - With friends like there, who needs enemies?
My Future - "The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades ..." -Timbuk-3
My Hair - Hair today, gone tomorrow ...
My High School Prom - As if adolescence isn't awkward and painful enough ...
My Job - Love it or leave it.
My Love Life - "All you need is love ..." -The Beatles
My Mind - It's a terrible thing to waste.
My Neighborhood - "Please, won't you be my neighbor?" -Fred Rogers
My Past - What's past is past ... unless you're a politician ...
My Personality - "I'm good enough, smart enough and, gosh darn it, people like me." -Stewart Smalley played by Al Franken
My Refrigerator - It's a science experiment!
Napoleon Bonaparte - 1769-1821, Emperor of France. Met his Waterloo at the Battle of Waterloo. The name should have tipped him off ...
NASCAR - Stock car racing began after World War II, breaking records for speed and for the number of advertisements on a single jacket.
Neil Simon - 1927-, American producer, playwright, and screenwriter of The Odd Couple, Biloxi Blues, The Sunshine Boys, California Suite, and many more.
New Orleans - The Big Easy.
New Shoes - Make you feel like dancing ...
New York City - America's most populous city. So good, they named it twice.
Niagara Falls - Niagara Falls was formed about 12,000 years ago, when glaciers retreated north, and honeymooners approached from the south.
Nicholas Cage - 1964- , American actor known for his edgy characters in Leaving Los Vegas, Raising Arizona, and Moonstruck.
Ninjas - Teenage mutant turtles need not apply.
Nobel Peace Prize - Established by Alfred Nobel. Swedish industrialist and inventor of dynamite. Led to an explosion of peace efforts.
Noisy Neighbors - WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Normal Rockwell - 1894-1978, American painter, illustrator and all-around interpreter of small town American life.
Nuclear Power Plants - "You've turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three Mile Island." -Montgomery Burns, "The Simpsons"
NYPD - The New York Police Department. They're so good, they have their own TV show.
Oil Spills - The American oil tanker, Exxon Valdez, went aground in Prince William Sound, Alaska, Mar. 24, 1989. Slick Move.
Olive Oil - Derived from fresh ripe fruit, which contain about 20% oil. Better than "olive" the other oils.
On-Line Shopping - Enter your credit card number now. This is a secure site ... Sure it is ...
Oprah Winfrey - 1954- , Television talk show host, actor and all-around American success story.
Oral Surgery - You said a mouthful.
Oranges - Face it ... nothing rhymes with orange.
Oxygen - Oxygen was discovered in 1774. You'd think someone would have noticed it earlier.
Pablo Picasso - 1881-1973, Spanish painter and sculptor, one of the greatest artists of the 20th century. If only he could draw eyes ...
Parenting - The process of discovering you are becoming just like YOUR parents.
Paris, France - The governmental, cultural and gastronomic capital of France. Or the world. Just ask the French.
Paying Bills - Also known as "Debt Restructuring."
Paying Taxes - Death or Taxes? Do we have to choose right away?
Penguins - Flightless, aquatic birds that reside in the Southern Hemisphere. All dressed up and no place to go.
Picking Your Nose - Noses run in our family.
Pigeons - Birds with small heads, short necks, stout bodies, and an incredible attraction to statues.
Pigs - Domesticated mammal of the swine family. Thaaa ... thaaa ... that's all, folks!
Piranha - Carnivorous fish found in rivers of South America. When you feel like a bite ...
Pirates - "Yo, ho, yo, ho, a pirate's life for me ..." - Pirates of the Caribbean
Pit Bulls - Any of several crossbreeds of bulldogs with terriers. Or, several radio hosts we could mention.
Plane Crashes - Statistically safer than driving ... unless you crash.
Plastic - Giant molecules of organic polymeric materials. Bags and bags of the stuff.
Playing Chess - Has tantalized many of the world's greatest minds for almost 14 centuries. It just confuses the rest of us.
Poison Ivy - Itching for a walk in the woods?
Pokemon - Cute cartoon monsters you gotta catch. What you do with them is up to you ...
Pond Scum - Simple organisms that carry out photosynthesis ... or spammers.
Poodles - The only breed that is better groomed than their owners.
Popcorn - Air poppers are for air heads ... I say bring on the butter!
Porsche Boxster - A two-seat, six cylander roadster - elegant design and superior drivability.
Postal Workers - "Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."
Power Tools - "More power! More power! Argh! Argh!" -Tim, the Tool Man, Taylor, "Home Improvement"
Prince Charming - The perfect man ... mythical, of course.
Princess Di - 1962-97, beloved English Princess who died in an auto crash. "Good-bye England's Rose ..." -Elton John
Pro Wrestling - They're just faking it. But then, so are we.
Psychiatrists - "And how do you feel about that?"
Psychics - The Psychic Friends Network went bankrupt in 1997. Perhaps they should have seen it coming ...
Public Radio - "Good morning . . . . . This morning . . . . . . . . . . . .we have Wolfgang . . . Amadeus Mozart . . . for your listening pleasure . . ."
Puff Daddy - 1971- , American rap artist. "I'll be Missing You" shot him to stardom; no pun intended.
Pulling Weeds - It's either this or chemical warfare.
Pumping Iron - When a great weight needs to be lifted.
Pushups - Exercises, a type of bra, or the ice cream treat.
Pyramids - Built by ancient civilizations, found mainly in Egypt, Guatemala, Honduras, Mexico and Peru. Probably the result of some pyramid scheme.
Quentin Terantino - 1963- , Groundbreaking American director and actor. Nice movies, but not nearly enough blood.
Quicksand - Just don't let it get you down.
Ragweed - A weed of the genus Ambrosia. Nothing to sneeze at.
Rain - "When the rain comes, they run and hide their heads; they might as well be dead." -The Beatles
Rainbows - "Someday they'll find it/ The Rainbow Connection/ The lovers, the dreamers and me ..." -Kermit the Frog
Rappers - PAENTAL ADVISORY EXPLICIT CONTENT Hasn't seemed to hurt sales...
Reading A Good Book - So many books, so little time.
Recreational Vehicles - If they're trying to get away from it all, why are they taking it all with them?
Recycling - More than one million tons of aluminum are NOT recycled each year. Where do you throw your cans?
Red Raspberries - Worth a few scratches.
Rednecks - "You might be a redneck if ..." -Jeff Foxworthy
Redwood Forests - "From the Redwood Forests to the Gulf Stream Waters/ This land was made for you and me." -Woody Guthrie
Reggae Music - This contemporary Caribbean music, originating in Jamaica, remains an influential style of popular music. Ya mon!
Regis Philbin - 1934- , American talk and game show host. Who wants to be a millionaire? Regis, apparently.
Remote Controls - The world's handiest invention. That is, if you can find it.
Republicans - A U.S. political party symbolized by an elephant ... and don't forget it!
Richard Nixon - 1913-94, 37th President of the United States and the only president to have resigned from office. At least that's what the tapes say ...
Robert DeNiro - 1943- , Pre-eminent American actor who earned Academy Awards for The Godfather II and Raging Bull. "Are you looking at me?"
Road Kill - Mmmmmm. Them's good eatin'.
Road Trips - "Get Your Kicks on Route 66." -Nelson Riddle
Robin Williams - 1952- , versatile American comedian and actor. The furriest man in show business.
Rock And Roll -It's here to stay!
Rock Concert - If it's too loud - you're too old.
Rocket Scientists - Hey! They're not rocket scie ... oh ... never mind.
Rocky Mountains - These extend 2,000 miles from northeastern British Columbia to central New Mexico, and keep the Californians away from everyone else ...
Rolling The Car - You'll flip for this one ...
Roman Numerals - There's a I in VII chance you'll know them.
Romeo And Juliet - William Shakespeare's best known play, written in 1595. Youthful love and hasty temperaments.
Root Beer Floats - Actually, it's the ice cream that floats!
Rosa Parks - 1913-, civil rights icon arrested in 1956 for violating U.S. segregation laws by refusing to give up her bus seat to a white passenger.
Rosie O'Donnell - 1962-, American actor and comedian. She's in a league of her own!
Rubber Gloves - Just in case ...
Running A Marathon - 26 miles, 385 yards: the distance run by a Greek soldier from the town of Marathon to Athens in 490 BC.
Rush Limbaugh - 1951- , conservative talk-radio personality. Claims to host his radio show with half his brain tied behind his back, just to make it fair.
Russia - The world's largest country, spanning 11 time zones. Famous for borscht, ballet, chess and vodka -just don't mix them.
Rust - "Rust never sleeps." -Neil Young
Saddam Hussein - 1937-, dictator of Iraq 1979-2003.
Sailors - "In the Navy, you can sail the seven seas ..." -The Village People
Salads - Lettuce not knock the vegetarians.
Salsa Dancing - Popular form of Latin American dance. A little jazz, a little blues, a touch of rock and lots of heat.
Salvador Dali - 1904-89, Spansih artist best known for his dream imagery and surrealism, including the limp watches in The Persistence Of Memory.
Samuel L. Jackson - 1948-, powerful American actor of Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and The Negotiator.
Saturday Cartoons - Get your blanket, a bowl of cereal and snuggle in for three hours of commercials.
San Francisco - California's City by the Bay. Where many hearts are left.
Saturn - Sixth planet from the sun, and the second largest in the solar system. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Scavenger Hunt - OK kids, here's your list: a marshmallow, a safety pin, a red rubber band, and a moon rock. Go find 'em!
Scene Of The Crime - It was Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the candlestick.
Schindler's List - 1993 Steven Spielberg film. Powerful real-life story of a Catholic businessman who eventually saved over 1000 Jews in Nazi Poland.
Science Fair Projects - No human subjects, please!
Science Fiction - In a galaxy far, far away ...
Screeching - Please stop.
Sean Connery - 1930- , Accomplished Scottish actor, although best known as the REAL Bond, JAMES Bond ...
Shania Twain - 1965- , Canadian country singer and songwriter. "Shania" means "I'm on my way" in Ojibwa.
Sharks - Many species living today are similar to those from 100 million years ago. Because change is scary.
Shopping Mall - Three-quarters of the North American population visit a shopping mall at least once a month.
Silk - Produced as a cocoon covering by the silk worm, and used in fine fabrics and textiles.
Silly Putty - It's putty in your hands!
Skateboarding - It's just going downhill ... down stairs ... down ramps ...
Skiing - The Super Giant Slalom: Swiss for "suicide."
Skinheads - Shaved heads, big boots. Some are Nazis, some are not.
Skunks - Black and white striped mammals known for their offensive smelling defensive spray.
Skydiving - Parachute canopies are usually made from nylon fabric that lasts for thousands of jumps - whether the skydiver does or not.
Sleeping Pills - I remember taking them ... I just ... don't rememmer ... how mamy.
Slivers - Also known as splinters. The worst ones are under your fingernails.
Sloppy Joes - My favorite recipe -open the can.
Smithsonian Institution - Located in Washington, D.C., the largest museum complex in the world. Wouldn't that be a great garage sale?
Snakes - Surprising, snakes move rapidly without legs. Also surprising, they find OTHER snakes attractive.
Snow - Transparent ice crystals which form around dust and other small particles. Get my drift?
Social Security - American program designed to provide income and services in the event of retirement, sickness, disability, death or unemployment.
Socks - "Black socks, they never get dirty, the longer you wear them the stronger they get." -Bill Harley
South Africa - Two oceans, rugged mountains, traditional villages, game sanctuaries, wineries...forget the past and bring on the tourists.
South Park - Highly-rated, highly offensive animated cartoon series. "Oh my God! We killed Kenny!"
Soy Sauce - A brewed seasoning made from soybeans, wheat, and salt.
Spam - Mystery meat, or mystery E-mails ...
Speeding Tickets - "No, officer, I don't have any idea how fast I was going."
Spiders - There are more than 34,000 species of spiders. Try not to think about THAT right before bedtime.
Spike Lee - 1957-, American film maker and Knicks fan. Best known for Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, and 4 Little Girls.
Spilled Milk - Got milk? WHOOPS! Apparently not ...
Spit - Ladies and gentlemen, straight from the Salivary Glands ...
Spontaneous Combustion - The ignition of substances without application of an external heat source. A good plot for "The X-Files."
Sport Utility Vehicles - Need new tires?
Sports Channels - Any team, any time.
Star Fruit - Looks like plastic, tastes like lemons.
Starry Night - A sky bright with stars, a classic Van Gogh painting, and a Don McLean song. Three cards in one!
State Fair - Aw, gee whiz, a blue ribbon for Bessie!
Steak And Potatoes - Hot off the grill!
Stephen King - 1947- , American author of horror novels, who's sold more than 100 million copies of his books. Talk about frightening ...
Steve Martin - 1945- , American comedian, actor, writer, and "wild and crazy guy."
Steven Spielberg - 1947-, American movie director and producer, and overachiever. From E.T. to Schindler's List... too many to list.
Stonehenge - Prehistoric stone monument located north of Salisbury, England.
Strawberry Shortcake - Summertime and the eating is easy ...
Stubbed Toes - It'll feel better when it quits hurting.
Stunt People - When you need someone to take the fall.
Summer Camp - If the bugs don't get you, the poison ivy will!
Sunday Drivers - Now available ANY day of the week!
Superman - Fictional comic book superhero loved by Lois Lane and Jerry Seinfeld.
Supermodels - Long legs = big bucks.
Surfing The Net - www.otb-games.com
Sushi - Who would ever have guessed that raw fish could be so fashionable?
Swiss Bank Accounts - Do you think everyone in Switzerland has one?
Swiss Chocolate - "What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead." -George Bernard Shaw
Swiss Cheese - Guess it comes from holey cows ...
Taking A Bath - Bathing facilities have been found in excavations in India from before 2000 BC. Soap-on-a-Rope hasn't.
Talk Radio - Talk about air pollution.
Teachers - If you can play this game, thank a teacher.
Telemarketers - "No, thank you ... No, I'm not interested ... No, I have to go now ..."
Televangelists - Not to be confused with Teletubbies.
Television - One-hundred and sixty-four channels, and nothing worth watching.
Telling The Truth - "There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths and there are made-up truths." -Marion Barry, ex-mayor of Washington, D.C.
Terrorist Attack - We will never negotiate with terrorists.
Thanksgiving Day - The fourth Thursday of November in the U.S.; the second Monday in October in Canada.
The 1920s - Pros: the Jazz Age. Cons: Presidents who look like librarians.
The 1950s - Pros: Barbies, barbecues, and bikinis. Cons: McCarthy, the Korean War, television.
The 1960s - Pros: the Moon Lsnding, the music. Cons: hippies who refuse to believe they're over.
The 1970s - Pros ... uh ... pros ... uh ... GIVE US A MINUTE, OKAY?
The 1980s - Pros: meant the end of the 1970s. Cons: '80s nostalgia.
The 21st Century - The future is NOW!
The Academy Awards - The statue known as "Oscar" weighs only eight and a half pounds. So why does it carry so much weight?
The Beach - A day at the beach is no day at the beach, ya know?
The Beatles - 1960s British band. Only the most revolutionary, influential and universally acclaimed group of the 20th century. That's all.
The CIA - The Central Intelligence Agency is responsible for keeping the U.S. government informed of foreign actions affecting the nation's interest.
The Cold War - The post-World War II struggle between the US and its allies, and the former USSR and its allies. Things could have gotten hot.
The Common Loon - A spotted, red-eyed diving bird -or various friends or family.
The Dallas Cowboys - National Football League team known for their cheerleaders and their performance, both on and off the field.
The Dump - Just remember to recycle.
The Eiffel Tower - Designed and built by French engineer Alexandre Gustave Eiffel for the Paris World's Fair of 1889.
The Electric Chair - In U.S. prisons, an alternating current of about 2000 volts is used for electrocution.
The End Of The World - "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine ..." -REM
The Everglades - A vast marsh covering much of southern Florida. Watch out for alligators!
The Far Left - They get high Marx from some.
The Far Right - Far right for some and far wrong for others.
The FBI - The Federal Bureau of Investigation: the investigative agency for the U.S. Department of Justice. They're listening ...
The First Day Of School - "Fear has many eyes." -Cervantes
The French Riviera - Holiday home of the rich, the famous, and the half-naked.
The Godfather - The 1972 critically acclaimed Mafia movie that made us as offer we couldn't refuse.
The Grand Canyon - 217 miles long, 4 to 18 miles wide, and more than 1 mile deep. Now THAT'S grand.
The Grateful Dead - American rock band, founded in 1965 and best known for their "Dead Head" fans.
The Great Chicago Fire - The noteworthy fire of 1871 ... a hot time in the old town ...
The Great Depression - Prozac was invented six decades too late.
The Green Bay Packers - Twelve time National Football League world champions, beloved by "Cheeseheads" everywhere. Are those brats done yet?
The Gulf War - January - February, 1991. This six week conflict with Iraq was also known as "Desert Storm."
The Indy 500 - Contestants must drive the full 500 miles. Bathroom breaks ARE allowed.
The Internet - Computer-based worldwide information network, and global shopping market.
The IRS - The Internal Revenue Service: agency of the U.S. Department of the Treasury responsible for collecting taxes. A human audity.
The JFK Assassination - November 22, 1963. The funeral of President Kennedy was watched on television by millions around the world.
The KKK - If they're supposed to be the master race, why do they keep misspelling "Clan"?
The Land Of Oz - "I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto." -Dorothy, "The Wizard Of Oz"
The Little Mermaid - The 1837 story by Hans Christian Anderson or the 1989 animated film by Disney. Guess which made more money?
The Mafia - A loose association of criminal groups, bound by a blood oath and sworn to secrecy. Of course, now we have to kill you.
The Marx Brothers - Chico, Groucho, Harpo, amd sometimes Zeppo. Their 1930s films include Duck Soup and Animal Crackers.
The Metric System - No, thank you. We like our inches and feet!
The Midwest - America's central plains states. They're not like folks 'round here ...
The Milky Way - The galaxy that includes the sun, its solar system, and a chewy layer of caramel.
The Mississippi River - The Algonquin words "Misi sipi" mean "big river." What's Algonquin for "muddy"?
The National Enquirer - American tabloid newspaper. Inquiring minds want to know ... Why the heck does this thing sell?
The New York Yankees - Legendary American baseball team. With so much success, it's obvious why they're reviled.
The NRA - National Rifle Association. They're gunning for your vote.
The Ocean - How deep is the ocean? 12,000 feet. If they'd known that, maybe they wouldn't have written that stupid song.
The Old Man And The Sea - Ernest Hemingway's classic novel - fishing, hunger, fishing, torment, fishing, personal loss ... fishing ...
The Olympics - An international athletic competition held every four years. The thrill of victors and the agony of defeat.
The Opera - It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings. Unfortunately, sometimes, not even then.
The Ozone Layer - Short for ozonosphere. Theories about the ozone layer are full of holes.
The Pentagon - The five-sided home of the U.S. Department of Defense.
The Pyramids - The Egyptian pyramids were built from about 2700 BC to about 1000 BC. Tut, tut, tut ...
The Renaissance - Beginning in the 1300s, started in Italy and spread across Europe. Kind of like Espresso bars ...
The Rolling Stones - British "bad boy" rock band formed in 1962. Still touring?
The San Andreas Fault - Geological feature in California stretching 600 miles. Like the state doesn't have enough faults already.
The South - Dixie: South of the Mason-Dixon line, that is. They're not like folks 'round here ...
The Statue Of Liberty - "Give me your tired, your poor/ Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free ..." -Emma Lazarus
The Super Bowl - Who needs another national holiday?
The Supreme Court - The highest court in the United States. Robes, but no wigs.
The Three Tenors - Opera stars Placido Domingo, Jose Carreras, and Luciano Pavarotti began recording as The Three Tenors in 1990.
The Titanic - It sank in 1912. Get over it!
The Universe - Everything. The big "It." Huge. Massive. THAT big.
The Vatican - The Papal State in the middle of Rome. Home of the Pope, Swiss Guards, and lots of pigeons.
The Vietnam Memorial - "The Wall," built in 1982, was designed by 21-year-old architecture student, Maya Lin.
The Williams Sisters - Venus, 1980-, and Serena, 1981-, Williams, American tennis champs. One heck of a sister act.
The Wright Brothers - In 1903, Wilbur and Orville made the first powered airplane flights in history. Although there were delays at the airport.
The YMCA - The Young Men's Christian Association has 30 million members in 110 countries. "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A." -The Village People
Thomas Edison - 1847-1931, American inventor, developed a light bulb, generator, sound-recorder, and motion picture projector. Show off.
Thunder - "Here it comes again, Thunder and Lightning..." -ELO.
Tibet - Mountainous region of China and religious enclave for a form of Buddhism called Lamaism. Known as the roof of the world.
Ticks - All ticks are bloodsucking parasites, but not all bloodsucking parasites are ticks.
Tidal Waves - The gigantic ocean waves that strike with tremendous force, and cause considerable damage to life and property. Kind of like Spring Break.
Tiger Woods - 1975- , American star of the golf circuit. Known for his athletic skill, and youthful, classic style.
Toasted Marshmallows - How do you like yours - golden brown or flaming?
Toasters - Wait -don't stick that fork in there!
Tobacco Companies - Who says tobacco's not addictive? THEY can't give it up ...
Toes - "This little piggy went to market ..."
Tom Cruise - 1962-, American actor. It looked like Ricky Business early on, but by 1986 he was Top Gun. No Mission Impossible for him.
Tom Hanks - 1956-, American actor and star of such varied films as Big, Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan and Castaway.
Top Of A Rollercoaster - Just remember: what goes UP ...
Tornadoes - Funnel-shaped cloud whirling destructively at speeds up to 300 mph. "Honey, do you hear a freight train ... Honey?"
Toys - They're not just for kids, anymore ...
Trailer Parks - Also known as tornado magnets.
Trampolines - Trampolines have been used in circuses wince the 18th century. Despite slumps in popularity, they always seem to bounce back!
Tree Huggers - "Environmentalists" to the left. "Wackos" to the right.
Truck Stops - Breakfast 24 hours a day and you're on your way.
Tyrannosaurus Rex - Large carnivorous dinosaur of the latter part of the Mesozoic era. My, what big teeth you have!
Underwear - "Let's keep this brief."
United Nations - The U.N. was founded in 1945, after World War II ended. Its mission is to maintain world peace. If we ever achieve it, that is ...
Vacations - "Vacation, all I ever wanted, Vacation, had to get away ..." -Go-Go's
Vampires - Legendary bloodsucking monsters.
Victorian England - An era characterized by moral severity and pompous conservatism.
Video Games - Just how DO you get to the thirteenth level of "Doom"?
Vietnam, 1968 - More than 30,000 Americans had been killed in the Vietnam War by the end of 1968.
Vincent Van Gogh - 1853-90, Dutch post-impressionist painter known for dramatic sunflowers and self-portraits. Only one of his paintings sold during his lifetime.
Violins - It's a pain in the neck, but keep practicing.
VW Beetles - The prototype for the original VW Beetle was developed in 1934, and production begin in 1945. Functional, yet so fashionable.
Waco, Texas - Texas city near where a 51-day standoff between law-enforcement officials and members of the Branch Davidians occurred in 1993.
Wall Street - The financial center of the United States. See also: roller coaster.
Walt Disney - 1901-1966, the head of some Mickey Mouse company.
Warts - Small, benign, circumscribed tumors of the outer layer of the skin. Warts and all!
Watching Football - Sheer athletic prowess by players in peak physical condition is a glorious thing to behold. Pass the chips and beer.
Water Parks - You can go down Dead Man's Drop and I'll take the Lazy River.
Waterbeds - Could serve as a safety precaution for those who smoke in bed.
Waterfalls - "Don't go chasing waterfalls..." -TLC
Watermelons - Pardeeville, WI - home of the Watermelon Seed-Spitting & Speed-Eating Championship. The record is 2.5 lbs. of melon eaten in 3.5 seconds.
Weapons Dealers - OK, what kind you need? Assault, Automatic, Atomic ...?
Weddings - "Ding, dong, the bells are gonna chime ..." -My Fair Lady
Wheat - Mainly used in flour. World output of wheat is more than 600 million metric tons a year ... so someone's making a lot of dough.
Wheel Of Fortune - American TV game show, BIG MONEY! BIG MONEY!.
Whipped Cream - Great on strawberry shortcake, banana splits, chocolate pudding ...
Whips - "Crack that whip ... whip it, whip it good." -Devo
Whoopie Goldberg - 1950-, American actor and comedian. Starred in such movies as Ghost, which earned her an Academy Award. Whoopee!
Will Smith - 1968- , Successful American rap star, TV star and wildly successful motion picture star. He's got it all. We hate him.
William Shakespeare - 1564-1616, The English poet and playwright. And all the world IS a stage ...
Wimbledon - Strawberries ... cream ... temper tantrums ...
Windsurfing - Really just surfing for lazy people.
Wine Tasting - Spit or swallow?
Winning The Lottery - The more you play, the more THEY win.
Witch Hunts - Popular locations: Salem, Massachusetts and Washington, D.C.
Women - REAL Women.
Women's Soccer - The 1999 World Cup finals was the most-watched women's sporting event in history.
Wood Chippers - "I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper." -Marge Gunderson, Fargo
Woodstock - The 1969 love, music and mud festival attended by 400,000. Or, the little yellow bird.
Woody Allen - 1935- , American comedian, actor and director, of Bananas, Annie Hall, Hannah and Her Sisters, and lots of New York Stories.
Worms - "A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that has fed of that worm." -"Hamlet" Shakespeare
X-Ray Vision - Available to Superman -for emergency use only.
X-Rays - X-Rays were discovered in 1895 by the German physicist Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen. Now if they could just get those X-ray glasses down.
Yellowstone Park - Home to 3000 geysers and hot springs. More gas and hot air than Washington, D.C.
Zen - Japanese form of Buddhism, originated in China. Zen again, maybe not.
Zucchini - A squashed vegetable.

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