N.R.L. (Nursery Rhyme Lawyer Song)

by Throwing Toasters

NOTE: Lyrics in RED PRINT represent a spoken "unsolicited testimonial" as opposed to singing.


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't get him a dime
But I could

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch themselves a pail of water
They fell down and we sued everyone
Including the hill owner's daughter

If you are a nursery rhyme
And you're in trouble all the time
Wanna put your wife in a pumpkin rhine?
I can give you peace of mind

'Cause my service is one of a kind
I'm the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer

Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet
And then that spider came out to play
We served that arachnid with a restraining order
Now he must be at least two hundred yards away

Blackbirds baked in your pie?
Boy kissed you and made you cry?
Your cow jumpin' into the sky?
Crazy, thinkin' he could fly

Give my services a try
And see what a good boy am I

My ex-husband, that crooked old man, ran off with that floozy gardner, Mistress Mary, and left me with these twenty kids living in a shoe. I didn't have any idea what to do. So, I called up the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer. In just one week, he had found that miserable scum-bag of a man and had him paying child support. Huh! He can keep those cockle shells, I got the money. We live in a boot now, and I have a summer sandle on the lake. Thank you Nursery Rhyme Lawyer!

When your cupboard is bare
I'm gonna be there
Dish ran away with your spoon
I'll get it back soon

If you've lost your sheep
There's no need to weep
Someone's stealin' your tarts
Don't let it break your heart

If your bridge is fallin' down
I'm gonna be around
When the bough breaks
I've got what it takes

You know who I am
I'm the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer

You know, I make my living jumping over candlesticks because I'm very nimble and quick. But, uh, one day I slipped on a puddle of wax and I got burned pretty badly. I called the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer and he was able to get me workman's comp in no time flat. Thank you Nursery Rhyme Laywer!

My little lamb followed me to school one day. Those mean boys and girls just laughed and laughed at him all day long. So I called the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer and we filed defamation of character suits against them and I haven't heard so much as a peep from them since. Thank you Nursery Rhyme Lawyer!

I got pushed off a wall and the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer got me $1.2 million. You know the story. Man, my brains is scrambled . . .

N.R.L. (Nursery Rhyme Lawyer Song) is the second (2nd) song on the Chrome album. It is an original song by Throwing Toasters.

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