The Ballad Of Salman Rushdie

by John Forster


Lyrics:

Salman Rushdie writes a novel
The Ayatollah gets upset
"Post the head of Salman Rushdie
From the highest minaret"
But Salman says "I am a writer, I'll write anything I want"

Susan Sontag gets a phone call
"Salman's been condemned to die"
She organizes all the writers
Howls of protest, what a hue and cry

Sontag says "We are Salman"
Updike says "We are Salman"
Styron says "We are Salman"
Publicly they're saying "Salman sure has guts"
Privately they're thinking "Salman must be nuts"

Because you don't bash a beehive with a baseball bat
And you don't pluck the nose hairs of a crazy man
You don't kick a savage bull in the testicle
Unless you want to see the Shiite hit the fan

Viking Penguin gets a bomb threat
Do they bail out or persist
They get the courage to continue
From the Times Bestseller list
Viking says "Free speech"
Sontag says "We are Salman."
Salman says "I am a writer, I'll write anything I want"

The Ayatollah kicks the bucket
This should lighten Salman's load
Then the new guy, Rafsanjani
Tells the world they're still PO'ed
Rafi says "Death to Salman"
Viking says "Free speech"
Sontag says "We are Salman"
Updike says "We are Salman"
Mailer says "I am Salman"
Mamet says "F*ck you Norman"
Bellow says "Boys, boys"

All the famous writers, they're so busy fighting
Salman is the only writer who is writing
"Salman's writing? What's he writing?
How can he be writing? I thought he was depressed"

Salman's agent, Andrew Wylie
Gets a typescript at his pad
This one's so god-damned offensive
Even Unitarians are mad
But Wylie says (music "We're In The Money")
Viking says "Free speech"
Sontag says "We're still Salman"

Up in Stockholm, Salman Rushdie
Makes the short list for The Prize
Now he's writing for The Ages
What's a few years living in disguise
Stockholm says "Hyundar gewickelburg"
That means "Brilliant"
Wylie says "Seven figures"
Viking says "(Gulp) Gotta pay it"
Sontag says "Seven figures, f*ck you, Salman"

Salman says "If you want to hit the big time, you've gotta have a plan
Like eating pork in public on the feast of Ramadan
My next one's called a hundred ways to screw up the Koran
Anything to make the Shiite hit the fan"



The Ballad Of Salman Rushdie is the seventh (7th) song on the "The Official Bootleg Album" album. It is an original song by John Forster.

E-mail regarding this John Forster page (a person I am NOT) should be sent to either of the following:

To contact www.com-www.com staff, proceed to the contact page.