In The Closet

by John Forster


I'm Private Billy Parker
I love my Uncle Sam
By the way, I'm also gay
And proud of who I am

I mentioned all of this to the recruiter in my town
And bein' gay himself he told me what was goin' down

It's OK to be gay in the army of today
Just don't say that you're gay or do anything that's fay
If they ask, "What's with you?"
Which they can't, but if they do
Zip your lip, don't say "boo"
And you're safe, they can't persue

Though your silence persay now allerts them that you're gay
For the least PDA, they can strip your stripes away
They can bust you before you can say "equality"
Just for bein' what it's now OK to be

So, you'll have to serve your country in the closet
You'll have to serve your country in the closet
If you have the affrontry(?)
To want to serve you're country
You're gonna have to serve it in the closet

Senator Nun was under the gun so he launched a special probe
Which found that gays upset your average normal homophobe
"It can't be done," said Senator Nun
"Why not?" said Bill and Al
"You put the fruits in combat boots and there goes your morale"

What if they reupholster things?
What if they cook and sew?
What if they ask the straits for dates?
What if the straight guys go?
What if they change our social norms, accessorize their uniforms?
What if they get in scrapes and fights?
What if they want their civil rights?

"It can't be done," said Senator Nun, "You can't please everyone."

Freedom must be fought for
And that's the army's mission
But if any gay would join in the fray
They do it on one condition

They'll have to fight for freedom in the closet
You'll have to fight for freedom in the closet
If you would serve your nation
With your orientation
Hide the Japanese siran(sp?)
Can the Judy Garland song
Freedom must be fought for in the closet

In the privacy's own, we'll leave you asll alone
We won't tap your phone, unless good cause is shown
You'll be safe with your own, in this very special zone
In a zone that's better known as the closet

So everybody back into the closet
Everybody back into the closet
And when you're on meneuvers
You'll peek through the leuvers(sp?)
At the straights who get to be
Exactly who they are, while we

Get to serve our country
And maybe catch a bullet
And possibly meet our makers
In the closet

In The Closet is the second (2nd) song on the "Helium" album. It is an original song by John Forster.

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