Lyrics:
She had the laughing eyes of a flirt
But underneath I sensed she'd been hurt
And so I plunked down forty nine ninety five
Took her home, installed her on my hard drive
It was a date with Virtual Vivian
And my Mac and some candles and Brie
I pulled down her menus
Checked out her venues
It took only moments to see
That this was the woman for me
The last girl to whom I truly related
Smelled like a beach ball and had to be inflated
She met all my needs; we were perfectly matched
But she popped and couldn't be patched
But now along comes Virtual Vivian
Erasing the pain of the past
This innocent waif
So wanton yet safe
Was offering love that could last
And a preferences file that was vast
But soon our bliss hit dissonant chords
I found her name on a bulletin boards
And what had seemed so solid soon turned to jello
This Romeo turned to Othello
How could I share my Virtual Vivian
With a world full of weirdos like me
Yet that was the deal
I'd broken her seal
And now was a mere licensee
Is this the way love has to be
Then one day I woke up in a thick mental fog
I couldn't remember the name of my dog
Who were my parents, where was my bank
Whole chunks of my memory were blank
I'd caught a virus from Virtual Vivian
All the symptoms were only too plain
This cheap cyber tart
Had captured my heart
And now she was scrambling my brain
Even virtual love is in vain
I contacted all those whose floppies had been in my drive
It was embarrassing; there were seventy five
But one, it turned out, was an actual analog girl
When she asked me to lunch I'm like, Hey, I should give it a whirl
Cause she was shiny and bright
With a rubbery look
And she smelled like a beachball
That's all it took
Now I'm through with Virtual Vivian
To Yvonne I will always be true
Yes, I love that she's real
And can think and can feel
But the main thing that binds us like glue
Is her four color, biblical, full body tattoo
I would swim the Red Sea for Yvonne and I do
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