NOTE: These lyrics were spoken by an announcer, not by Al.
Accidents happen when people aren't being careful.
But we can all live safely if we just follow a few simple rules.
First, you should make sure your shoelaces are tied nice and tight.
Otherwise, you could trip and fall and poke your eye out.
Never play with matches; they're very, very dangerous.
If you find any matches, have your parents eat them
So you won't be tempted to play with them.
Bicycles are also very dangerous - you could break your neck.
If you have to ride a bike, make sure to ride it really, really slowly.
Or better yet, why not turn your bicycle over and peddle it upside down.
It's also a good idea to check for bombs planted by Commie spies.
Make sure you wave hello to pedestrians before you run them over.
School is a dangerous place too.
So keep a brick in your desk, just in case.
Never drink through your nose; that's a sure way to drown.
And, whenever possible, walk down the right side of the hall.
That way you won't bump into any nerds walking the other way.
Also, when going down a staircase,
Be careful that your ghost doesn't trip and fall and break his neck.
And make sure you tie yourself into bed at night so you don't fall out.
Safety is important for grownups, too.
For example, on the highway, make sure you find a long, straight stretch of road
Before you fall asleep at the wheel.
Always come to a complete stop before changing the radio station.
If you're in an accident and you're not wearing a seatbelt,
Try to block the fall with your forehead.
And never drive anywhere with a rabid wolverine in your pants.
Follow these few simple rules and you're well on your way to a safer, healthier you.
If you have any e-mail regarding the "Weird Al" Yankovic portion of Hotel XVR27, send it to either . . . .