NOTE: These lyrics were spoken by an announcer, not by Al.
What are germs?
Germs are tiny, tiny little creatures that want to kill you.
The human body is made out of many yucky parts
And it's important to keep germs away from all of them.
Germs are everywhere: on the inside of windows, on pencils,
On apples, in the U.S. mail, between your piggies,
And sspecially on dirty, filthy cowboys.
Bicycles are another breeding ground for germs.
Never ever touch a bicycle with your bare hands.
And dogs are full of germs too, so never let a dog eat your hair.
Germs can enter your body through a number of ways.
Whenever you get a railroad spike impaled through your head,
Germs have easy access to your brain.
Even a tiny cut or scrape can be deadly.
As soon as you're injured, immediately cover the open wound with crazy glue
To keep the germs from getting in.
How else can we fight this menace?
One thing you can do is go to the doctor and have him look up your nose
To see if there are any germs hiding there.
When you take a shower, be sure to wash everywhere.
Especially the really stinky parts.
And make sure you wash your hands thirty or fourty times a day.
Or else a giant talking bar of soap will appear in your bedroom one night
And no one will ever hear from you again.
Always burn your clothes immediately after wearing them.
Whenever possible, have your dinner prepared inside a hyperbaric chamber.
Rinse your mouth with hydrochloric acid after every meal.
And if all else fails, run.
Run for your lives before the germs get you too!
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