"Can't Read My Prescription" by Judy Harmon

Mortgaged my house and sold my car
I got some money owed to me
Took cash out of our household jar
I just won big in the lottery

Do I take one pill twice a day
Or does it say I soak my feet
Can't make out what these scribbles say
Wonder if the doc just ordered meat

For my whelps, clerk says he can't help none
Say-whoa, say-whoa, say-whoa, uh-oh
Can't read my prescription

The pharmacists are checkin' books
They're arguing among themselves
Givin' me some dirty looks
Grabbin' tons of bottles from the shelves

They call in a Latin scholar
He shakes his head and says that he's stumped
Hey, I'll pay a thousand dollars
Please give me itch cream for my rump

Now I really do feel like bit**in'
Say-whoa, say-whoa, say-whoa, un-oh
Can't read my prescription

Went to another pharmacy
Got the 'deer in the headlights' look
Itchin' was gettin' to me
Grabbed my paper fast and off I took

Found all the docs on the golf course
Passed my paper round to every one
They said "It's ointment for your horse!"
Had enough, I'm takin' my rump home

Next time doc gets his pad I'll say
Please could you call my loved ones now
If you start writin' today
I'll need to tell all of them how

They should word my tombstone inscription
Say-whoa, say-whoa, say-whoa, uh-on
Can't read your prescription
Can't read your prescription

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